If He Left
by Smackalicious
Summary: Chapter 6 up August 1st. What if Adrian was cured of his OCD? Sharona POV
1. Cured

If He Left

PG-13

Romance/Drama

Summary: What if Monk was cured of his OCD? Sharona POV

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine

Chapter 1: Cured

"I'm healed, Sharona," he calmly told me that afternoon.

"You're what?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm cured. I don't have OCD anymore."

I couldn't help it. I laughed in his face. No, wait – spit in his face is more like it. (What? I didn't _mean_ to spit on him. It just happened.)

I looked at him to see his reaction. He had an initial moment of disgust from my spittage, then looked at me, deadly serious.

I didn't know what to say. Of course I was happy for him, and for myself. I had spent practically the last decade of my life taking care of him. I could use the time to myself.

But what happens after that? I guess I never thought of Adrian getting better. Yeah, I know it's a horrible thing to say, but if you would've seen him, you would know how I felt.

So now I'm stuck with all these questions: What if he really is better? He could handle germs and drink milk and go on ferris wheels...God, he'd be normal. So, what if he decides he doesn't need me anymore? He could live his own life. I don't know how well I'd like that. I mean, sure, he drives me nuts, but I feel like I'm important when I'm with him.

Yeah, I realize how that sounds. It's just that, with the way he is – or was, if he really is better – he relies on me constantly. It's such an incredible feeling for someone to not be able to function without your presence. So, you're probably thinking, what about Benjy?

Sure, Benjy relies on me. I'm his mother. He's _supposed _to rely on me. It's in his DNA. But Adrian is his own person. He could pick anyone in the whole wide world to depend on. But he picked me.

So now I just have to wonder: What if he leaves?

(The next chapter will be longer....I promise! And please, if you read this, let me know: If this were on the show, would you watch it? Why or why not? I really want to know your opinions, be them good or bad. It would really help me write. Let me know what I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong, or just give me further ideas to write about. I will give you credit if you give me an idea and I use it in my fic.)


	2. Awkward

Disclaimer: The song is Tori Amos' "Your Cloud." I don't own it...it's entirely hers.

Chapter 2: Awkward

It's been 2 weeks, and I haven't heard from him. The Captain called me once to say he had called Adrian in on a case, and he was wondering why I wasn't with him.

What was I supposed to tell him? 'Oh, Adrian's better now, which means, "adios, Sharona." Don't expect me back.' Yeah, that would've been interesting.

I never expected it to be this hard. It feels like a piece of me is missing, like he's the missing sock in the dryer. That sounds like a cliché, I know, but it's true. When you spend the majority of your time with a person, then they just up and leave...It's more than just a little unnerving, that's what it is.

But, I guess I can look on the bright side of things – I can live my life the way I want. Like, right now I'm lounging on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, doing a crossword puzzle. I'm just expecting him to walk in and order me to remove my feet from the table.

But he won't. I know that now.

_Where the river cross_

_Crosses the lake_

_Where the words_

_Jump off my pen_

_And into your pages_

_Do you think just like that_

_You can divide_

_This you as yours_

_Me as mine to _

_Before we were us_

Why doesn't Benjy get out here? That's supposed to be his mystery friend he's going to the mall with. He won't tell me anything about it.

"Benjy, I think your friend is here."

A clatter from his general direction. What is that kid doing? "I'm busy, Mom. Could you let him in?"

Well, at least I know this mystery friend's sex now. It's not some hussy he met at the arcade or something. But I highly doubt there are any 12-year-old hussies running around San-

"Adrian." I should've known Benjy would do something like this. "What are you doing here?" I know damn well what he's doing here. Benjy made him come over. That child needs to stay out of other people's personal business.

"I'm here to take Benjy to the mall," he answers me, looking like I should have known that already.

I _should _have known that already. I _did _know that already. I guess I was just hoping... "Oh, oh, yeah, Benjy said he was going to the mall with a friend. He just never mentioned who."

"I see."

Wow, could this be any more awkward. I should just tell him what I'm thinking.

_If the rain has to separate_

_From itself_

_Does it say"Pick out your cloud?"_

_Pick out your cloud_

_If there is _

_A horizontal line_

_That runs from the map _

_Off your body_

_Straight through the land_

_Shooting up_

_Right through my heart_

_Will this horizontal line_

_When asked_

_Know how to find_

_Where you end_

_Where I begin_

"_Pick out your cloud"_

"Adrian, I've been meaning to call you, talk to you about...Why did you leave?" That was swift, Sharona. Real bright. But you never have been known for your tact.

He's stumbling for words. Just like he always did. "I didn't know how to be around you, now that I'm not...and you're not my," he stutters. "You know what I mean."

"I'm still supposed to be your assistant." I can't believe he forgot that. I'm still of use to him. I wish he would realize that.

_How light can play_

_And form a ring of rain_

_That can change bows i__nto arrows_

_(I found a thrill)_

_Who we were isn't lost_

_Before we were us_

_Indigo in his own_

_Blue always knew this_

"Of course I know that, Sharona." So now he thinks I'm stupid. This is working oh so well. "I-I just needed some time. You know, to sort things out. I've never been...normal before."

Great, now I feel bad. "Adrian, I will never know how difficult it is to go through what you're experiencing right now, but you know I'm here. You know that. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me, talking to me." He still looks uneasy about all of this. "Listen, you don't have to do anything right now. Just go take Benjy to the mall."

Sure, _there's_ Benjy. Where the hell was he 5 minutes ago? "We're leaving, Mom," Benjy announces.

I have to say one last thing. Adrian turns to me at my grabbing of his arm. He has this almost...hopeful look in his eyes. How can I respond to that?

"I don't want to wait 2 weeks again." He nods and Benjy pulls him out the door. I watch him until they're out of sight, then turn my back to the door, leaning against it.

A single tear makes its way down my face as I slide down the door.

"Damn you, Adrian. Damn you for making me love you."

_If the rain has to separate_

_From itself_

_Does it say pick out your cloud_


	3. Sneaky

A/N: Sorry this is so short...but I was writing, and it seemed like a good place to end the chapter. I hope to have more up this weekend, but no guarantees there.

Chapter 3: Sneaky

So, now that I've wasted an entire box of Kleenex on Adrian, of all people, I'm just going to have to wait around for him and Benjy to get back. God! What is wrong with me? I'm in love with _Adrian_? I don't know when that happened, or how, or even why. I mean, the man can't tie his own shoes without going into a fit of hysterics.

Okay, I know that was a low blow. He has an illness. I'm his nurse, I should know that.

Dammit! I'm _not_ his nurse anymore. He's better. He has to be, otherwise I would've heard from him before today. I just have to wonder what suddenly cured him. Hell, for all I know, he just got sick of me and decided he was better so he wouldn't have to 'put up with Sharona anymore.'

But I don't think that's it, either. When I was going to go back to Jersey with Trevor (and what a great moment of intelligence that was), Adrian practically had a heart attack. Like I said before, he chose _me_ to take care of him. He can't have anybody else. Even with all my imperfections, he somehow tolerates me. I don't know why, to be honest, because the most common thing we do when we're together is argue.

And yet I'm in love with him. Hey, I guess you don't get to pick, eh? I mean, he's not that bad of a guy...he's really smart, and clean, unlike most males of any species. Who knows? He just may be the Prince Charming I'm looking for.

Ooh, was that a car door? Maybe they're back. Only one way to find out.

"Back so – Randy?" What the hell is Disher doing here? I hope the captain didn't send him to see what's going on with Adrian and me. That is absolutely nobody's business.

"Hi, Sharona," he says, looking a little uncomfortable. "Can I come in?"

Nothing like being surprised to ruin your hosting duties. "Sure." He brushes past me and heads into the living room, turning and facing me.

"Sharona, I hate intruding in your personal life, but I have to ask," he starts, and I know exactly what he's going to say next. "Are you and Monk having problems? The captain called him in on a case, and we were both pretty surprised when you didn't walk in right behind him. And then Monk goes and tells us he's suddenly all better, and we were both a little more than shocked. What's going on?"

Yep, he asked the question. I guess I just have to tell him the truth (not the whole truth, mind you – he doesn't need to know about my recently discovered romantic feelings for the most neurotic man on the planet). "What can I say? He's telling the truth. Before today, the last time I talked to him was 2 weeks ago. That's when he told me he was cured."

He doesn't believe me. I can tell by the look on his face. "That doesn't make any sense. How could he just be cured? Don't things like that take time?"

"Well, yeah." I'm glad I'm not the only one having doubts about all of this. There _has _to be something else going on. And I'll get to the bottom of it, one way or another, no matter what I have to resort to doing.

I turn back to Disher, who's now trying to act like he's not going through my mail, but is doing a horrible job at it. "Randy." He jumps and looks at me guiltily. What a guy. I can't believe he made the police force. "I think I could use your help."


	4. Proposal

Chapter 4: Proposal

So, I relayed my idea to Disher. He seemed to think it was a pretty good one, but I think he's just saying that because he wants to get under my shirt. I guess we'll find out exactly how good it is once we go through with it.

I'm still waiting for Adrian and Benjy to get back. They've been gone for hours! What could they possibly be doing?

"Hey, Mom!" Sure, they come back and scare me half to death. At least they're back. "You'll never guess what Mr. Monk bought me!"

I wish he wouldn't pawn money off people. Especially Adrian. "You shouldn't be asking people to buy you things. You should take responsibility and buy them yourself." Yeah, listen to me, in my mommy mode. I did the same thing when I was his age. I'm such a hypocrite.

"He didn't ask me, Sharona." I think I know now why I love this man. He doesn't have to put up with me or Benjy, but he does. He loves Benjy like he was his own son. Sometimes I wish he were Adrian's son. At least the kid would have his father there, then. "I wanted to buy it for him."

Boy, I'm sure glad Benjy isn't in here right now. He'd accuse us of "being weird." But weird is far from how I'm feeling at the moment. I know I shouldn't do it, but all I want to do right now is walk up to Adrian and kiss him. And I mean, _really_ kiss him, like, knock your socks off kind of kiss.

And then Benjy'd walk out and be scarred for life. But I guess I should say something. He's starting to look at me like I'm a piece of evidence.

"I'm glad he didn't make you buy it. I hate when he does that." God, I sound like I'm on a first date. I _know_ Adrian. I shouldn't be at such a loss for words.

"Check it out, Mom." Thank the Lord for children. "It's the new Playstation game."

I can't believe how generous Adrian is! Those games aren't cheap. "You didn't have to do that. I know those games aren't cheap."

"Sharona, relax. I wanted to buy it for him. As a way of showing how much better I really am. I _am_ better, Sharona. I'm just a regular, normal guy now."

All right, go away, Benjy; there's some adult conversation that needs to be held now. Perfect – I didn't even have to say anything; he just got bored and left to go play video games. "So, Adrian, you're a regular, normal guy. Does that mean you can..." Alright, here it comes. I'm going to say it. "...go on a date?"

I did it! I actually asked THE question. I'm just hoping he says he can and will, and maybe I can see what'll happen from there.

"Sharona, are you..." God, he looks nervous. I hope I didn't make a mistake. "...are you asking me out?"

He makes it sound like I just asked him to kill someone. I _knew_ I shouldn't have said anything. But nooo, I just had to go and open my big mouth. I wouldn't blame him if he –

"I've never really been asked out before. Except for that woman from the electric company. And I think she was just interested because I was working with the police. But Sharona, are you just asking because I'm better?" 

Ooh, that's a good question. That's part of the – aw, hell, why don't I just tell him. The worst he'll do is leave.

And never come back.

Maybe I'd be better off not telling him _everything_. "I just want you to get used to the idea. I mean, it _has_ been a long time since you've actually been in the dating world, and if you don't count that electric woman, the last date you were on was years ago." Okay, Sharona, stop babbling. "So, I'm just offering to take you out, maybe show you the ropes, just so you know what people are doing now." Oh, _that_ sounded real nice. I just called him a dating loser. "Whaddaya say?" Do I even have to wait for an answer? I know exactly what he's going to say already.

"Okay, that sounds...fun, I guess."

Wow. I guess even I can be wrong.


	5. Change

Chapter 5: Change

So, now that I'm going on a 'not-officially-a-date' date with Adrian, I guess I won't need Disher's help. It's really a shame, too, because I know he'd do anything for me. I mean, you gotta give the guy credit for trying. Maybe I could use his help. I could arrange for him to talk to Adrian after our "date," just to see how he reacts.

That's actually a perfect idea! I just hope Adrian doesn't realize what I'm doing. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I just want to make sure he's ready for this and maybe we can try having a relationship.

Man, I never thought I'd hear myself saying that. But Adrian can be such a sweet man. He won't be the same without all his quirks, true, but he could end up being even better.

I can't wait to find out.

In the meantime, I have to get ready for our "date." I made reservations at a nice, not too formal, but not too casual restaurant a couple of streets over called La Terraza. And after dinner, I thought we'd go see a play. I considered dancing, but I don't really think Adrian's much of a dancer.

I can't believe how nervous I am about this. It's not like it's an actual date. But I've still got all those butterflies making the rounds in my stomach, like there's some kind of convention going on in there. I guess I'm just hoping something'll happen, something that'll show me he's really ready to move on, to take a stab at having a relationship with someone that's not Trudy.

Oh my God, someone's here. I don't know why I'm so jumpy lately. I mean, it's _just_ Adrian, and we're _just_ having dinner, something I would do with anybody, even Disher.

I guess I should just go answer the door. It's probably just -

"Adrian." What is he doing here so early? Our "date" isn't for another 3 hours. I hope he hasn't changed his mind. Or talked to Disher. "You're early."

"Uh, yeah," he says nervously, wringing his hands. This does _NOT _look good. "Sharona, about dinner..."

"You want to cancel," I finish for him. I should have known. I was expecting too much. "It's okay. I understand. It takes time and you aren't ready."

"No, that's not it," he corrects me. "I _AM_ ready."

Oh, great, so now it's just me that's holding him back. "Oh. I see. I guess I can refer you to a dating agency..."

"No, I don't want to go to some singles service," he interrupts me again.

He sure isn't making this easy. "I don't know what else to do to help you."

"Go with me to dinner," he blurts out, looking very proud of himself.

Okay, now I am _really_ confused. "I thought you didn't want to go to dinner."

He shakes his head, saying, "I never said that. You just assumed that."

"But, still, Adrian, we were already going to dinner."

"But it wasn't a date," he says softly.

Oh my God. Is he asking me out? "Adrian, are you asking me out?"

He looks down at his feet. Oh my God. He _IS_ asking me out. "Uh, yeah, I guess that's what I'm doing. But I'm prepared for...for you saying no." He turns his face up and looks at me. "Please don't say no."

Am I dreaming? Ouch. I guess not. This is actually happening. He's ready to move on with his life. With me.

"Sharona...Are you okay?" Oh, yeah, I'm okay. I'm more than okay. I am absolutely fantastically fabulous. But I can't let him see that. I don't want to seem desperate or come off too strong.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I respond, somehow making my voice sound calm and unaffected. "I'm just a little surprised, that's all. Pleasantly surprised, that is," I quickly add. The last thing I need him thinking is that I _don't _want to go out with him. "I would love to go to dinner with you, Adrian."

He gets that smile on his face that he gets when he's realized he's solved a case and announces he's leaving and he'll be back later to pick me up for our date. God, it feels good to say that.

I follow him to the door and close the door behind him. I watch him as he gets in his car, waves timidly though the window in my door, then drives off.

I skip happily back to my bedroom, belting out Marvin Gaye.

That's right, baby. Let's get it on.


	6. Ready

Chapter 6: Ready

I can't believe he asked me out. This is still blowing me away three hours after he asked me. Wow. Adrian Monk asked me out. And I'm actually happy about it. That's certainly something I never expected when I started this job.

Oh, crap. Was that the door? I'm not ready! I spent so much time in shock over Adrian asking me out that I didn't even change my clothes.

"Hold on! I'll be there in a minute!" I yell to the door. Adrian will understand. He takes longer than the average woman getting ready to go somewhere.

But wait. He's different now. It's not going to take him 20 minutes to tie his shoes anymore. (What? The man had to have the knots perfect.)

Oh my God, what am I going to wear? I don't want to show too much skin, because I know Adrian doesn't like that kind of thing. But I don't want to look like I do everyday. If only I had...There it is! The perfect little black dress for tonight.

Now, some earrings and I'll be ready to go. There. Perfect. Let's just hope that Adrian doesn't think I've changed my mind.

Hold on, hold on. Geez, you'd think he'd get the hint and stop knocking. Okay, here goes nothing.

Hello, A-Captain Stottlemeyer, what are you doing here?" Dammit, I spent all that time flipping out and it was only the captain. I hope Adrian gets here soon.

"Hi, Sharona," he says, raising an eyebrow at me. "Going somewhere?"

Hoo boy. This should be fun. "Uh, yeah. I was going ... out with someone." That was swift. Like he didn't assume that already.

Now he's raising his eyebrow even higher. Damn.

"I kind of gathered that already. I came by to see if you knew where Monk was. There's a case I want him to take a look at, and he's not answering his phone. Have you seen him?"

Double damn. I'm going to have to tell him something. Aw, hell, I may as well tell him what we're doing. He's bound to find out anyway. "Yeah, I've seen him. He's the person I'm going out with tonight."

"You don't say," he says dryly. God, does he have to be like that? "You look awfully dressed up to just meet up with a friend." He's going to make me tell him the whole story, isn't he?

"Yeah, well, it's sort of a date."

"Oh, really? Never saw that one coming." I am going to wipe that smug little smirk off his face.

"Captain, if you don't mind, Adrian's due any minute, and I don't think he's expecting to see you here."

"Right, right. You don't want anything ruining your 'special evening,'" he responds, putting "special evening" in those stupid air quotes.

"Yes, so I suggest leaving before he gets here," I say, pushing him towards the door. God, if Adrian shows up and the captain's still here, we'll never get out of here, and I'll have rushed to get ready just to sit here and listen to Adrian stutter awkwardly, trying to explain our situation to the captain. Although now that he's better, maybe he'll be suave. Nah, that'll never happen.

Great, now the captain's giving me that look again. "What?" I ask him, a little annoyed. If Adrian and I want to go out on a date, that's no one's business but our own.

Crap, I'm too late – Adrian's here. Now we'll never get out of here. "Captain, could you please leave? We have a reservation, and I don't want to be late."

"Since when do you care about being late?" Oh my God, I am seriously going to slap this man.

"Alright, Captain, I've been nice long enough," I announce, pushing him toward the door. "Out! Now!"

He stumbles to his car, and that's when I see that Adrian was watching the entire exchange. He starts walking to the house. Wow, he looks fantastic. He put on a nice suit and everything.

"Hi, Sharona," he says quietly. "Um, these are for you." With that, he pulls out from behind him the most beautiful and perfect bouquet of orchids I have ever seen.

"Adrian, these are gorgeous," I gasp. I can't even believe him! Could he be any cuter? "Come in. I'll go put these in a vase and we can go to the restaurant."

"Sharona, about that..." Oh, please don't say you've changed your mind. And I was looking forward to going out and showing him off to everyone. It would've been like, 'Look, Adrian Monk, the famous detective, is better, and he chose me to go on his first date with.'

Suddenly, Adrian's lifting my chin. I didn't realize I had been looking at the floor. "Can we just have dinner here? I-I don't think I'm ready to go out in public and ... have fun."

I was wrong before – he CAN be cuter. "Adrian, is that all. Of course I'm fine with that. Does that mean the play is off, too?"

"We could," he shrugs, "watch a movie or something here."

Okay, calm down, Sharona. Just because we're staying here where we'll be completely alone in a darkened room with a couch means nothing. He is absolutely NOT the kind of man to make a move that soon, anyways.

So why am I wishing that he was?

"Sharona." Damn, I have to stop spacing out so much. Pretty soon, someone's going to have ME committed. "I can order out from the restaurant you made our reservation at if you want."

"That sounds great! It's La Terraza, over on Pine."

"Oh." He sounds disappointed. Maybe I should have made a reservation somewhere else.

"Is there a problem with that restaurant, Adrian? I've never been there myself and I heard it was nice."

"No, there's nothing wrong with the restaurant. It sounds nice, and I just thought that if it's such a nice place, we should go. I mean, it would be a shame if people didn't see you looking so beautiful."

Oh my God, is he blushing? Who am I kidding – I'M blushing. The man is beyond adorable. "Yeah, well then I'd have to worry about all the women trying to steal my handsome date."

He picks up my hand and gives me a serious look. "I won't even be tempted when I have the most beautiful woman in the city."

"In that case, let's go, Mr. Monk."

As the door shuts behind us, he slips an arm around my waist and leads me to his car. Yes, nothing at all could ruin this night. Nothing at all.


End file.
